foundations

Because people seem a lot happier on pictures.
Because the thought of who I COULD be takes away from who I am now.
Because life seems a lot easier and bearable when described by others.
Because words that come out of my mouth describe thoughts and feelings I was not aware I was able of having.
Because I feel a lot older thant the two digit number called age.
Because no matter how much I change, it will not change.
Because in memory land things are better than in actual life.
Because being quiet does not mean you are innocent.
Because you are older, it doesn't mean you have a lot to teach.
Because the things you would teach me would not interest me one bit.
Because in the end you have made me scared of freedom.
Because out of all the things I want, freedom seems the most unatainable.
Because I always want to find admirable people....
Maybe so that I don't feel the pressure of being admirable myself.
Because all I want is someone who doesn't lie, who wouldn't force me to lie so that they like me.
Someone who I don't have to constantly prove how smart I am or feel sad for how dumb and accomodated they are.
Because no matter how much I tell myself that it could've been better, nothing that proceeded you was better than us.
Because everything seems dirty and dangerous and unloving and self-diminishing.
Because as much as I want to forget the past, I fear what lies ahead.
Because I don't really know what the question is, or if should really know.
Because...