Tuesday, November 11, 2008

6 weeks and 4 days left of this place…

My days have been filled with emptiness, shifting things around, shifting feelings around.
I look through the things we’ve gathered throughout 8 long years, things that stayed the same while we went through so many changes, so much moving around. It’s funny to be able to tell what exactly has stuck with us all along (like photographs, friends’ letters, my first pair of tennis shoes as kid, etc), and truly realize what it all comes down to.
I wonder what I will miss, but then again it is hard to know considering I haven’t left yet. I’ve been trying to make up my mind about the things I wish to do as soon as I get there, and so far only a few things have come to mind: eat alfajor; dance to Djobi Djoba by the Gpsy Kings with my grandfather.... And I have the following weeks to think of the rest. As Juno said, "I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while."
{which reminds me of this, and makes me smile :] }

I can barely sleep at this stage of the process. I feel so anxious…
The dreams we spend so much time fantasizing about turn out to be the total opposite of what we wished for. On the other hand, I feel it is better this way. How boring would it be if we always got exactly what we hoped for? Maybe the trick works when you’re still young, when you want nothing less than exactly what you asked for. As you get older, you start playing mind tricks with others and especially with yourself. You ask for something, but you hope that people will reveal the meaning behind your words, analyze how much you really deserve and so on. Nobody is straight-forward these days, at least not in a good way.
Anyways, I’m ready for change...

...a fresh start.

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